Lessons from Students to Teachers

When you make the choice to invest in your child’s education, it often means some personal lifestyle sacrifices and a leap of faith and trust that you are investing wisely. I have walked the halls of GDS as both a student and a teacher. Over these years, I have seen amazing moments that have embedded themselves in my heart and mind. I have the privilege of working within the walls of GDS and I am reminded daily of the value of a Greensboro Day School education. This past Monday is a great example.

Part of being a good teacher is being attuned to all the issues facing our students, from academic pressures to social and emotional challenges. GDS’s long-standing commitment to Diversity education has exposed our faculty and staff to numerous experts and trainers over the year, but “Diversity” isn’t a lesson that is learned in a day.

Yes, our 21st century students are dealing with a great deal, and at a much faster pace, but when you peel away all the shiny hardware, the same issues facing teens are still there: learning how to become independent and at the same time, how to be part of a community; how to develop an identity built off family, friends, school, society and more. These lessons aren’t so cut and dry.

This year, when we started looking at potential ideas for our Diversity training and education we realized it would be best to hear from our main constituents – our students. No problem, let’s ask some kids to give up a good portion of a vacation day, create a curriculum, and learn the exercises so that they could teach their teachers. This may seem daunting to some, but our students rose to the challenge. The students opened up the floor at one of our meetings and came up with the topics they wanted to address with the adults of GDS.

The first exercise was about active listening; the second about how easy it can be to stereotype groups of people and how often those stereotypes don’t actually fit; and the final exercise was the most intensive -- teachers were given a series of fairly tough statements that they had to discuss.

Here is a sample of some of the statements:

• I have been treated differently because of my appearance, gender, financial, social status, religious beliefs. 
• I wish I knew of better ways to stop the cycle of bullying 
• I have judged a student by their looks 
• At times adapting to all the learning differences in my classroom can be challenging 
• When I was growing up I was exposed to a wide variety of diverse people and cultures 
• I try to incorporate topics of diversity in all of my lessons, examples and curriculum choices 

The discussions that ensued were intense – eyes were opened on both fronts – and everyone seemed to walk away with a greater understanding about what we have been doing well, and what we need to work on.

No surprise, our students were AMAZING! They allowed for processing, take-aways and were open when asked questions from teachers. When we all reconvened in the theatre, the student leaders were met with a rousing standing ovation from an emotionally charged room of adults.

From Kelly Sipe a Kindergarten teacher: “Students learn at a young age that their voices matter, their passions are worth pursuing (and will be supported) and their goals are attainable...that everything they need in order to succeed, they already have inside of them. I saw in these young adults the leaders of tomorrow that will advocate for themselves and others and will, in turn, make a difference in the lives that they touch.”

We still have lots of work to do – and that includes bringing our parents into the discussion. The doors are open to continue to collaborate to make GDS an even more accepting, inclusive and safe community.

Wendy Lavine ’85
Upper School English teacher and Diversity Coordinator

Why can’t they just be nice?

How do kids grow? Not physically, we all get that, but what are the things that actually push emotional growth forward? It’s not exactly what you would think. We all need positive attachments. Children need love through their mistakes and protection from dangers that we can avoid. They need affirmation, cuddling and extended story times. They need the calming routine of ritual to center them on a regular basis. What we sometimes forget is the value of hurt feelings, lost friendships, unanswered questions and broken promises.

The infant learns to self soothe when a parent can’t get to the crib fast enough to replace the “paci.” The toddler learns it hurts when he runs through the house too fast and turns a corner to meet the edge of a partially open door. We are all familiar with these things. We accept it with a knowing smile and a confident “sigh” that we have been there and survived. But then we also forget.

Once they go to school so many things occur that we hear about through the lens of our child. Because we love our children it causes us anxiety and guilt when they hurt. We turn into mamma bear or papa bear ready to protect them at all costs. How do we sort through the real need to protect our child and yet set limits on our propensity to rescue them when they are in crisis?

First, remember children are actively learning social skills. They have to start somewhere, and that is likely from a place you don’t really want them to stay. Normal developing children do not like to share, say hurtful things from time to time and really care mostly about themselves. While sweet and innocent and honest, they manage to also greatly disappoint us as well. What 4- or 5-year-old hasn’t said, “I don’t like that! I don’t want to! Go away, you are not my friend!”? Children who do not express themselves this freely at times may actually be feeling a bit anxious or afraid to say the wrong thing, therefore hesitating to speak from their egocentric hearts.

Second, we must be patient. These skills develop over time through a series of mistakes. The potty training child generally has multiple accidents before success. The toddling 12-month-old wobbles and falls often before triumphing at the walk across an entire room. The growing 5-year-old will hurt someone’s feelings, say something rude or embarrassing, and demand the right to retaliate on multiple occasions prior to integrating the values of our culture. It is through our continued feedback about their behavior, and even paramount to that, the feedback from their peers, that motivates them to shift from healthy egocentrism to the compassionate individuals we all hope to raise.

Third, be sure your school takes time to talk about and develop these vital relationship skills. If a child says a bad word he doesn’t need to be admonished. What he needs is to connect empathy for others who are offended by the language. Children naturally want to please us; we are the ones that take care of them. Capitalize on their empathy and you will see results that stay with them, rather than just seeing them obeying the rules when the authority figure is present.

When a child leaves another out or monopolizing play time with a few students they desire, we are seeing a tremendous strength. Initiative to connect and impact the behaviors of others is a wonderful leadership skill. Once we see this happening, again, rather than firm limit setting, we need to help the child connect empathy to the experience of others to help them curtail the behavior. The change we want to see is not immediate. Just like weight loss, it should happen over time if it is to last. So when your child reports that the playground captain is still acting like the captain, know that real change happens over time. And, note the incredible value of learning to relate and get along with those who think the world revolves around them. Don’t we all know a few adults like that? If we learn these skills as children we are well-equipped for adolescent and adult relationships. If we are not exposed to these conflicts we will not learn how to manage these relationships.

The point is, value the social drama your children experience. Carefully and protectively choose the school setting that will take the time for social and emotional education. Keep open communication with your teachers, counselor and school administrator about trends that don’t seem to improve over time. Get your child the support they need to navigate particularly difficult relationships. But please don’t avoid them completely, because it will only mean learning those lessons later in life. Once our pattern of relating to others is set, it is much more difficult to change. If we grow up learning to cope with a few difficult peers along the way, we will surely have the skills needed to manage the social arena of adulthood.

Michelle Bostian, MSW, LCSW
Lower School Counselor

The Case for the $320,000 Kindergarten Teacher

What?! Last July, David Leonhardt published an article in The New York Times with the above title. Of course, I had to keep reading. In the article, Leonhardt cites a study by Raj Chetty, a Harvard economist, who was looking at adult outcomes, not test scores, to measure teacher impact. In the study, Chetty followed the lives of 12,000 children who had been part of a well-known Tennessee education experiment in the 1980s. When he looked at the adult lives of these children, he found that students who learned much more in kindergarten were:

• More likely to go to college than students with otherwise similar backgrounds. 
• Less likely to become single parents 
• More likely to be saving for retirement 
• Earning more - about $1,000 more a year at age 27 

So where did the $320,000 come from? It is the present value of the additional money that a full class of students can expect to earn over their careers, an estimate that doesn't include social gains.

As a pre-service teacher, I quickly realized that my skills were best matched with older students. Translation: I didn't have what it took to be a kindergarten teacher. Many people comment that teaching kindergarten must be one of the easiest jobs in the world - play games, color, paint, sing songs, and learn the alphabet. How hard can that be? Clearly, these people have spent very little time in a kindergarten classroom.

As an administrator, I have had the privilege of spending time with kindergartners in their classrooms and in my office when we have lunch together...and my talents with them STILL pale in comparison to those of the Kindergarten team. Through drop-ins, conversations with students, parents and grandparents and formal observations as part of our professional development program, here is what I have learned about kindergarten teachers. They are:

• Able to see the good in EVERY child 
• Adept at helping each child discover his or her own strengths
• Carefully challenging students to achieve in areas where students feel they can’t
• Capable of unparalleled patience in the midst of kindergarten exuberance
• Willing to share with equal excitement the new discoveries that kindergarten brings
• Masterful at grouping students according to need, readiness or interest
• Brilliant storytellers
• Lifelong learners themselves, and they share that passion with students
• Eternally optimistic, loving and supportive
• Able to switch seamlessly from communicating effectively with children to communicating effectively with adults
• Happy to wipe noses, dry tears, tie shoes, help solve disagreements....and, oh yes, teach!

I am no Harvard Economist, but by my calculations, the present value of all that...priceless!

Gillian Goodman, Lower School director