Teachable Moments: Miley Creates an Opportunity

Parents naturally want their values to be passed along to their children. But sometimes it is difficult to find just the right opportunities to open the topic of values with teens. Unless you’ve been purposefully avoiding the news, radio, and social media, you know about Miley Cyrus and her infamous behavior during the Video Music Awards. It’s okay if this is news to you. We all need a break sometimes. But, don’t stay in the dark too long or you might miss an opportunity to talk with your kids about your values, relationships, sexuality, role models, and your expectations for them as they get older and make choices that will impact the rest of their lives.

Many parents wonder if their teenager really cares what they think. Rest assured, your child probably cares a great deal about what you think! Teens who recognize that their parents set clear limits and expectations on their behavior and maintain open, honest communication with them are less likely to make choices outside the rules and are more likely to talk to their parents about the big issues. Quite often, parents’ and teenagers’ ideas about right and wrong, future aspirations, and world views are in line with each other. If you want to increase the probability that your teen will share your values, engage your kids in conversation. Taking time to share what we think about the real issues encourages family cohesion – of values and goals.

Adolescence is a critical time in a child's development of a personal set of values and expectations. This time of greater independence and social outreach also provides adolescents with the opportunity to absorb influences and perspectives that their parents may not share. Pat Bassett, former NAIS president, spoke with students, faculty, and parents of GDS about how adults teach ethical thinking and moral courage. His presentation focused on many ways that we, as the adults in their lives, are the models for our child’s choices. But what caught my attention was his discussion of why we need to be counter-cultural  — he even mentioned our friend, Miley.

The problem with Miley is not necessarily that she expresses herself in sexually suggestive ways. Her actions are really only a problem if a parent's value systems, and the values they wish to impart to their children, are not in sync with the popular culture and how Miley expresses herself.

One thing about pop culture...it provides us with many teachable moments! Teachable moments are those everyday situations that open the door to conversation...rather than a lecture that follows bad behavior. Teachable moments begin with questions like, “so, what did you think about that?” and almost never begin
with “we need to talk.”

Teachable moments create space for us to learn more about our kids: what they are thinking and how they are thinking about the issues they face. Here’s an example: my psychology class asked what I thought about a news story about a high school girl in Massachusetts who received a 5-game suspension from volleyball and lost her position as captain because she violated her school’s “zero tolerance” alcohol policy. She went to a party to pick up her friend who had become intoxicated and, while she was there the police broke up the party. It was the perfect opportunity to talk about dilemmas and the right vs. right decisions the girl faced AND the ethical dilemma on the part of the school administration. It was also an opportunity for me to learn more about my students.

As I shared my thoughts with them, the conversation moved from that dilemma to some of the choices they make when faced with similar right vs. right situations. What were the values in competition? What do they value? It was fascinating. I learned more about their thought process in discerning the best choice to make. I listened without judgment.

I think that’s the hardest part for me as a parent: listening without judgment. As much as I want my kids to believe and value what I do, it won’t happen unless they are able to come to it themselves. And they probably will if I continue to talk with them about the real world, listen to them as they talk through their dilemmas, and share some of my ethical dilemmas with them. The odds are in my favor.

Bridget Gwinnett,
Upper School counselor

How to Protect your Children from Bullying

Editor's Note: Periodically, we will post expert articles written by our own GDS alumni. We believe that the GDS community will enjoy hearing our alumni's stories and advice. Our first article is written by Kim Fisher Turner '88. 
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A lot of media attention is given to what our schools doing to prevent bullying and protect students. But a lot of parents wonder what they should be doing at home to prevent their children from being victims. Here are some ways to insulate your children from bullying and help your children deal with bullying if it happens:

• Social connections: the number one risk factor for being the victim of bullying is lack of close positive friends. Explain to them that friendship is about having fun together and building each other up, not tearing them down. It can be helpful to have some social connections outside of school friends, perhaps at church, sports teams or other extracurricular activities. Sometimes, spending time with peers that go to another school can give your child a new perspective and someone to talk to that isn’t part of their every day social circle.
• Give your child opportunities to explore outside-of-school interests that highlight their talents or positive attributes. This can help your child build real, long lasting self esteem.
• Talk to your child about their day at school every day. Ask open-ended questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Ask them about their classes, social events, friends, and any concerns they might have.
• Make sure that home is a soft place to land. As long as children know that they are loved and accepted for who they are at home, they can weather some of the ups and downs of adolescence more easily. 
• Listen, listen, listen. Tell your child you are here to help with any problems that they might be having. Many students tell me that they don’t want their parents to worry about them. I assure them that worrying and caring about them is in the job description of a parent.
• Communicate with other parents, teachers and school staff so you are in the loop.
• Talk to your children about bullying and the power of bystanders. Bystanders have a lot of power to stop bullying. If someone tells the Bully, “Stop that. That’s not okay,” 50% of the time it stops immediately.
• If your child does tell you that they have been bullied, listen first, then react. It is our instincts as mama and papa bears to jump in and want to protect our kids. But we also want to keep lines of communication open. First listen to the whole story and talk with your child to figure out the best response. Make sure that they have some part in the solution so they don’t feel powerless.
• Let your school administration now what is going on immediately so they can address the problem. 
• Teach your child non-violent ways to deal with bullies like walking away, using humor to deflect attention, talking it out, playing with friends or travelling in groups.
• Also talk to child about self confidence-good posture, eye contact and speaking clearly can help them present themselves as confident and assertive.

To get the conversation started about bullying, do this exercise with your children.

• Give them a piece of notebook paper. 
• First, have them crumble up the paper and stomp on it. 
• Then have them open it up and smooth it out. 
• Next, have them look at how scarred and damaged it is while they apologize to it and tell it they are sorry. 
• Soon, they will realize that no words are enough to get the paper back to its original state. 

Children need to be made aware of the importance of their words and deeds. We as parents can model the

behavior to wish to see in our children by treating them as well as others around us with respect. We can also show them how to do the right thing, stand up for others and be vigilant about the safety of all children. Elie Wiesel poignantly wrote, “Take Sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormenter, never the tormented”

For more information about bullying prevention, see these websites:

• http://www.netsmartz.org/Parents
• http://www.stopbullying.gov/respond/be-more-than-a-bystander
• National Crime Prevention Council: http://www.ncpc.org/
• Information for kids: http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/promos/stopbullying/index.html

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About the Author: A 1988 graduate of GDS, Kim Fisher Turner is currently a school counselor in Athens, Ga. She has spent over 15 years working in education. She is also a licensed professional counselor who sees students and adults for career and transitional issues. She graduated from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and then received a Master's in Education from the University of Virginia. 

Teaching Children How to Cope with Making Right vs. Right Decisions

Gilbert and Bob have been friends since 1st grade. Bob’s parents frequently argue and just last night his father stormed out leaving his mother sobbing. Gilbert is the only one Bob has confided in about what has been going at home. Today, Bob arrives at school with shadowed eyes, and Gilbert knows that Bob’s father must have left again.

Later that day in 7th grade science, a test was distributed to the students after a brief reminder about cheating. Bob anxiously stares at the paper. If he fails another test he will not pass this class. Without a word, Bob glances toward Gilbert and nods at the paper he has been staring at blankly for ten minutes. Gilbert is frozen for a moment. The words to the school’s honor code float through his mind as he notices that Bob has already copied two of his answers.

Would we all consider it right, through the eyes of a 7th grader, to have mercy on his best friend? Or do we expect Gilbert to assure clear justice by reporting the cheater? Should we teach our children to value loyalty to a friend over telling the truth? Or should we raise him to tell the truth no matter what the cost? How does anyone choose between the rights of the one we love and the rights of the community to which we belong?

Teaching our children right from wrong is fairly simple. Teaching them how to navigate between the values they know and then activate their courage to make the best choice can be tricky. Join Greensboro Day School in welcoming Pat Bassett, former advisory board member at the Institute for Global Ethics and former board member of the Council for Spiritual and Ethical Education, as he talks with parents about this important topic. September 25 at 7:00pm in the GDS Center for the Arts. Admission is free.

New Beginnings

"The ending … is merely the winter season -

the time of renewal and rebirth

that precedes the new planting -

the beginning of the next great cycle.”

- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I find teaching, students’ developmental milestones and my emotions to those events to be very cyclic and almost predictable in nature. For the last decade, I have come to be able to predict what behaviors and/or trends will manifest themselves in my classroom in October, January and May. Each August, I obtain a new class list and as I write those names on desks and in books, they are simply combined letters on a page. Fast forward to the end of the year and those names are no longer a random grouping of letters, but now define a relationship; an imprint on my heart and hold memories that I will remember for years to come. 

These cycles and changes are one of the many things that I appreciate about teaching. They grant teachers and students a new beginning each year. Whether you have a child entering kindergarten or 12th grade; whether you are a returning student or one that is new to Greensboro Day School; or whether you are a veteran teacher or a new hire - new beginnings can be both exciting and overwhelming at the same time. This year marks my 18th new beginning at Greensboro Day School. I feel the same rush of anxiety and excitement as I did in my earlier years.

As we approach the start of school, I find that children and adults benefit from some of the same strategies during this time of transition.

• Enjoy every moment of the dog days of summer, appreciate it for the season in which it is, and find comfort in the knowing that it will come again. 
• Find moments to reconnect with school social groups and to reach out to new acquaintances. 
• Begin preparing for the upcoming transition back to school a few weeks before the first day. Slowly adapt your daily schedule to provide routine, restful evenings and earlier bedtimes.
• Embrace the new school year and all the opportunities it will offer.
• Remain mindful, open and positive. We are all experiencing a new beginning. Within our school community, resources and support abound. Reach out to a member of our school family if you or your child has questions or needs support during this time.
• Allow yourself and your child time to adjust. Change can feel quick and rushed at times; however, it’s important to keep in mind that adapting well to something new takes time.

“Transition comes along when one chapter of your life is over

and another is waiting in the wings to make its entrance."

-William Bridges

As I wait in the wings to welcome back former students and to reconnect with peers and families that have become valued friends over the years, I also look forward to all the new people that I will have the opportunity to meet. Best wishes for a year full of meaningful and happy, new experiences and new beginnings. - Kelly Sipe, Kindergarten Teacher

Tech Tips for the Summer

Digital natives, iGeneration, and Millenials are all names used to describe our students. Regardless of age, these children are highly connected through their use of technology. With summer upon us, here are a few things to consider when thinking about your child’s technology use.

• How can you balance your child’s summer technology use and the other summer activities that s/he can participate in?
• How can technology facilitate your child’s summer learning experiences?
• What social media tools are integral to your child’s life and how can his/her actions with these tools impact their futures?

Below are links to 6 articles that provide parents with tips and tricks for managing your child’s summer technology connections.

The first two links are from Common Sense Media, a great resource for families with
children of all ages. This website provides a wealth of videos, articles, reviews and other information about the “world of media and technology.”
• 
  8 Tips for a (Nearly) Tech-free Vacation
  In this article, the author presents simple straightforward strategies for family-friendly integration of technology on vacations.
  
  Digital Fun for Creative Kids
  This article presents an extensive set of technology resources (apps and websites) to continue your student’s learning during the summer months. Activities in categories such as storytelling and coding help children aged 2-17 “stretch those creative muscles in fun ways.”
  

• The next four links provide resources for parents of students who are (or might be)
  connected through communication and media technology (e.g., Facebook, Instagram, iMessage, etc.)
  
  Do You have Any Idea What Your Kids Are Posting Online?
  This blog by an assistant superintendent, who is very connected himself, provides parents with some examples of how connected students young and old are misusing social media. There is also a reference to a blog describing Instagram and examples of household rules for using this tool. Although this blog is specific to Instagram, the information presented can be applied to other social media tools.
  
  Free Parents' Guides to Snapchat and Instagram
  In this article are links to parent guides for Snapchat and Instagram. These guides are short and to the point (6 pages each). At the beginning of each of these guides are concise answers to: 
  Why kids love these apps
  What the risks of each app are
  How to help kids stay safe using the apps
  How to report abuse and block problem users
  How to use privacy settings
  
  The Truth about Social Media and Admissions
  This article provides some guidelines for our older students who are applying or getting ready to apply to college. It is a nice discussion of why colleges would be interested in a student’s digital presence. For our younger students, the article provides some things for them to think about as they begin developing a digital presence.
  
  Ask.fm - Social Q&A website should be avoided by tweens and teens
  This post discusses Ask.fm, which is a question and answer website that lets users create accounts and post anonymous questions or comments. Ask.fm has been linked to cyber bullying incidents and other abuse. Although this article is written for parents at the Village School in California, it provides useful information and guidelines for all parents.

It's Okay to Say, "I Don't Know"

Many of us have a personal connection in some way to the participants of the Boston Marathon. There has been and will continue to be significant news coverage and our children are likely to hear information that is troubling for them and difficult to process. When unthinkable things happen we can sometimes find it difficult to think clearly about how to respond in a way that is helpful for our children. It is possible you may be fielding questions from your children and hosting conversations you are a little unsure how to handle. Keep in mind that children will tell you with their questions how much and what they need to know. It is perfectly acceptable to say, “I don’t know,” in response to a question a child may ask you.

The following Web site might be of help to you as you begin to think about talking with your child:
http://www.nmha.org/go/information/get-info/coping-with-disaster/helping-children-handle-disaster-related-anxiety

Here are some additional tips:

• Before answering, it is a good idea to ask your child what she already knows about the topic in question. 
• Be honest with your answers, but choose your words and explanations according to the child's understanding, and don't overload the child with too much information. 
• Try to give answers that give hope and faith and are reassuring, but again, don't lie or give false hope or unrealistic promises. 
• Be ready to answer the same question repeatedly. As has been found in several studies, even if parents do talk to children about difficult topics, children might later not remember it. So you need to have these discussions often. For a child, repeating a question might also be a form of getting reassurance. 
• You don’t have to have all the answers. Its okay to say, ‘I don’t know,’ but I will let you know as soon as I understand it better. The most important thing is that your children can feel you care about them. 

Keep the lines of communication open. Do a lot of listening and reassuring. And look for ways to help your children cope. John King, Bridget Gwinnett and I are available if you observe any unusual behavior that may indicate your child may need additional support.

Michelle Bostian, Lower School Counselor

"I am not Creative" 

written and performed by sophomore Katerina Forbis

for her poetry portfolio assignment