In a Student's Words...

I learn so much from the students I teach; they are incredibly intelligent, talented and creative. One of my students had an assignment to write an "artistic statement" about her life as a dancer. I'd like to share this piece written by Kate Montgomery, an 8th grader, and offer a glimpse of just one of the special things that I witness each day a in my role as a Middle School teacher at Greensboro Day School. – Pamela Thaxton, MS Learning Resource Specialist 



Artistic Statement
By: Kate Montgomery ’17

Blue, this is the color ballet would be, not pink not black, blue. Why is it blue you might ask? It is blue because it is light and airy yet strong and vibrant. Blue is one of those colors with seemingly endless shades that can literally be interpreted into any form, story, or emotion. This all depends on two points, the eyes of the observer and the feelings of the performer, and we can only hope that our feelings are dusted over the audience. The ability to take physical movements and turn them into a story or emotion takes someone with a wild imagination. To be able to share this sensation with an audience is what makes it an art. Ballet to me is that one place where you can say everything by simply raising an arm and touching it to your forehead, just as the corp girls in the first movement of Serenade so beautifully do. All of this because of a connection that you have between your body, your mind, and the observer; you first begin this connection when you are a child with a dream that will soon become an ambition.

Almost every little girl goes to ballet class and can't help but dream of being a Ballerina. Then the technique begins and suddenly that giddy feeling goes away. For me, my love for this art only grew stronger. As soon as the time came to begin working on our technique I was all in, and became more and more excited to go to dance. At Greensboro Ballet this meant moving up to Mr.D's class (John Dennis), and for many it seemed to be the scariest thing in the world, including me. However, his classes made me want to see what else was out there in the ballet world, so for Christmas that year my parents took my brother and I to New York City. While I was there my mom took me to see New York City Ballet's Nutcracker, where I got to meet one of the dancers who danced in the snow corp. I remember taking a picture with her and thinking how much I wanted to be her. I could barely sit in my seat as I watched the dancers fly across the snow covered stage in there long tulle skirts and pink shiny point shoes. My young seven year old self couldn't help but think how one day I would be there with my own pair of pink shiny point shoes. From then on, I worked as hard as physically possible. The summer of 2011, when I was attending Greensboro Ballet's summer intensive, I knew it was all going to pay off one day. The idea of waking up in the morning and knowing that my job would be to do what I loved suddenly became the only thing I could ever picture myself doing, and that's when I knew that this is what I was meant to do.

Dance, drenched in a pallet with beautiful shades of blue, a pallet that each person sees differently, the artist is to take their paint brush and create their desired shade. In other words, it is like a blank sheet of paper with guidelines and basic rules, but what you decide to do with it is up to you because every dance is like a new story or emotion just waiting to be unleashed. Sometimes the story is given to you and it is your job to bring it to life, other times you have to search for the story and let your imagination run wild. For when I dance I get that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you come home after a long trip and you finally sink into your own bed; that feeling of pure joy that overflows your veins and is released through your limbs. It empowers me to slip on those practically magical point shoes and show the audience what I can do and how happy I am to show them. It is that itch that you always feel the need to scratch, that one thing you dream about at night hoping it will only bring the moment where you can feel free and alive that much closer. I'm in a deep relationship with dance and we are in it for the long run.

Olga Lepeshinaskya, one of my favorite ballet dancers, was a principal with the Bolshoi Ballet in the 1940's. However, she recently died of old age. I first came to know about this once extraordinary dancer when I was nine years old waiting for class to begin. I looked up and saw a black and white picture of a seemingly happy dancer posing in attitude. Under the picture in black ink was typed a name that was obviously Russian with a particularly daunting last name. I sounded out the name that gave me such joy to pronounce. When my ballet teacher John Dennis walked up behind me while I was telling some of the other dancers about Olga, Mr. D told me a little bit about her. From then on, I was fascinated with the smiling petite Russian girl who could captivate an audience by throwing herself into the air and twirling across the stage with her massive pique turns. While looking at videos of Olga, I stumbled upon a full length recording of Balanchine's classic Swan Lake, this being my favorite ballet being performed by one of my favorite companies, I couldn't resist. I clicked play and was quickly put into a trance by the gorgeous choreography of the White Swan Pas de Deux into Odettes solo, a role I have always dreamed of portraying. For you are given the chance to show much diversity by playing two roles, Odette and Odile, who performs my favorite Pas De Deux, the Black Swan Pas De Deux, a Pas where Odile transforms into a sassy black swan who tricks prince Zigfried into thinking that she is his one love, Odette. What made watching this magnificent ballet even more spectacular, were the beautiful dancers of ABT, a company that I have come to love after watching endless videos of Misty Copeland, Gillian Murphy and so many more amazing dancers I can hardly resist the urge to someday be up there with them. There is just something about their dancers that just pops on stage with everything from superb technique to flawless stage presence. This company is a place I would like to someday make my destination after a long journey. One tool I have used to better my training is to get inspiration from ballets, dancers, and companies. When you know where you want to land it makes taking off that much easier.

"Always have a secret". These were words spoken by my ballet teacher, Mary Helen Mayfield. One day in class she told us to always have a little secret while we were dancing; something that the audience doesn't know, allowing you to perform and for the audience to not take their eyes off of you. Mrs. Mayfield's secret was always that she had a ruby in her tutu, my secret is that I have a little bird behind my ear that whispers all the steps to me. When my little birdie tells me what the steps are, it is then my job to show off the steps in beautiful shades of blue. This is a job that takes a large amount of imagination, passion, and a little birdie that tells you all the steps. That is why I dance.

Right vs. Right in Action

My awareness and sensitivity to right vs. right decisions has been heightened as a result of the many thoughtful readings and conversations I have had over the past few months while serving on the Ethics Team at Greensboro Day School. I felt this growing awareness quite deeply while attending the NAIS People of Color conference in Houston last week. The ethical dilemmas I encountered triggered a reaction in my heart, and I would like to share some of those dilemmas with you.

Sitting in a white affinity group for the first time (which is a blog unto itself), I discerned my first right vs. right decision. Across the cluttered circle of chairs, amidst brief introductions of who we were and where we worked, I was asked if I would describe Greensboro Day School to be progressive. On the one hand, it was right to be loyal to my home community, my positive view of the progress we have made, and reflect on the original intention of diversity when our school opened its doors over 40 years ago, as well as the diversity present in our faculty and families. Should I tout that GDS is one of the first schools in the state to have administered AIM (Assessment of Inclusivity and Multiculturalism) and that its results are a guide to our continued progress? Did I mention Tommy Webb, the Assistant Head of School, was amidst the discussion? “Yes, we are very progressive!” would be a right answer.

Another right answer lay in the awareness tugging at me that we have much work ahead of us. I had just sat through an incredible session hearing about the important work of affinity groups in schools for students who identify themselves as Black, Latino/Latina, Asian or GLBTQ (gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender, questioning). The concluding video shared students expressing their reflections, including the vital role affinity groups are in their life and the impact to their community, made me well up with tightness in my throat. I also heard about schools with close to 30% minority faculty, including several in leadership positions, and similar statistics reflected in their student population. It would also be right, therefore, to say, “no,” we are fairly conservative and have much work to do to be considered truly progressive in this area. And so I did.

Although courage was helpful in answering the question above, it felt weightier as I navigated another right vs. right decision hours later. This was simpler, but felt so much more complicated. I had just left a session where I had been carefully sharing my first experience with race and admitting to strangers some of the spoken and unspoken messages I absorbed about race as a child from my family, especially my grandmother. Reconnecting with US teacher Estelle Bowden, who is black, we walked back to the hotel and shared our respective enlightenments of the day. The streets were loud with traffic and the air of the city smelled of oily exhaust mixed with the many delicious aromas from the restaurants we passed. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a stray cat ran across the sidewalk and startled us. It was a Calico, mostly white. Without thinking I chuckled, “Well that was interesting. I wonder what that means. At least it wasn’t black!” Estelle smiled and shared my brief laugh as we continued on the sidewalk. Or did she? What was she thinking inside? I recall from a class in graduate school that even our use of language is racist in its expression of the word black being associated with things that are bad. I was sick with a pang of guilt and embarrassment for saying something so ignorant. Here lies the right vs. right decision. Estelle didn’t seem to notice and I certainly didn’t mean anything by it. The superstition, “If a black cat crosses your path it is bad luck,” is commonly known. It was right to say nothing. Asking her about it may actually make her believe that I think she is oversensitive and analyzes everything white people say. Yes, right to say nothing.

But what lingered for me, in my private 60 seconds of anxiety, was that I am here at a conference on diversity, and I am aware I may have offended and I am CHOOSING to say nothing! How could I? Although I considered responding to the pit in my stomach, it was much easier to let the conversation rattle on to new topics and pretend that awkward moment, (just for me or both of us?), never happened. But the easier path is rarely the right path. Rushworth Kidder, in his book, Moral Courage, describes the powerful strength required to operationalize moral understanding into action. We have all said something and then realized a heartbeat later that it might have come out wrong, and knew the courage it would take to admit it. For me, the right choice to ask Estelle about the black cat comment outweighed the right choice to stay silent. So, twisting up my courage and prepared to be criticized, I did ask about my comment about the cat. For those of you who are curious, and to my great relief, Estelle wasn’t offended at all. She hadn’t even thought twice about it.

Day-to-day life provides many opportunities to notice and champion a variety of right vs. right decisions. Sometimes, they are seemingly small, and sometimes the dilemmas are sensitive and emotionally charged. The right vs. right dilemmas around differences in culture, race, socio-economics and sexual orientation are plentiful. Our Ethics Team will be participating in a two day workshop in January that will help us to discover and address the challenges in the many ethical dilemmas we face every day, large or small.

I encourage you to post your comments below; let’s keep the conversation going!

Michelle Bostion, LS Counselor

Talking with Your Children About Difficult Things

In light of the significant news coverage regarding the school shooting in Connecticut, it is possible you may be fielding questions from your children and hosting conversations you are a little unsure how to handle. Keep in mind that children will tell you with their questions how much and what they need to know. It is perfectly acceptable to say, “I don’t know,” in response to a question a child may ask you.

The following Web site might be of help to you as you begin to think about talking with your child: http://www.talkwithkids.org/first.html

Here are some additional tips:

• Before answering, it is a good idea to ask your child what she already knows about the topic in question.
• Be honest with your answers, but choose your words and explanations according to the child's understanding, and don't overload the child with too much information.
• Try to give answers that give hope and faith and are reassuring, but again, don't lie or give false hope or unrealistic promises.
• Be ready to answer the same question repeatedly. As has been found in several studies, even if parents do talk to children about difficult topics, children might later not remember it. So you need to have these discussions often. For a child, repeating a question might also be a form of getting reassurance.
• You don’t have to have all the answers. It’s okay to say, ‘I don’t know,’ but I will let you know as soon as I understand it better. The most important thing is that your children can feel you care about them.

Keep the lines of communication open. Do a lot of listening and reassuring. And look for ways to help your children cope. John King, Bridget Gwinnett and I are available if you observe any unusual behavior that may indicate your child may need additional support.

Michelle Bostian, Lower School Counselor

Sights of the Season

This time of year you see them everywhere….glowing in windows, hanging in bright spheres from trees, blinking in yards, flickering on tables, outlining homes…..LIGHTS! Lights play a central role in many of the holidays celebrated this time of year.

• During Hanukkah, a candle is lit each night for eight evenings. The candles bring to memory the miracle of oil lasting eight days instead of one after the destruction of the Temple.
• At Christmas, Christians use lights to symbolize Jesus bringing light and hope to a lost world. Stars represent the bright star that led wise men to Bethlehem after Jesus’ birth.
• Hindus, Jains and Sikhs celebrate Diwali, also known as the “festival of lights” between mid-October and mid-November. Diwali involves the lighting of small clay lamps to signify the triumph of good over evil.
• Kwanzaa celebrates the African heritage and culture. Kwanzaa candles are one of the most important symbols of the celebration. For seven nights a candle is lit to observe the importance of unity, self-determination, responsibility, purpose, creativity and faith.

In the dark, all lights look the same. It is impossible to discern the reason for their illumination but it is a great time for personal reflection. What decisions or actions can I make to assure that good triumphs over evil? What can I do to bring hope to someone? How can my actions and choices help bring unity to my world? 

Now the next step… 

What opportunities can I provide for my children to learn the importance of responsibility and determination? How can creativity be honored and nurtured? How can I pass on traditions that are important memories to my family and faith? 

 
Strive to be a light in someone’s dark world. Be a flicker of love, understanding and encouragement.

 
Beth Hopkins, 1st grade teacher

Right vs. Right Decisions: Part II

It’s actually pretty easy to decide in a right vs. wrong situation. Pick the “right” answer. But what if there are two “right” answers? How do you figure out what the two “rights” are? As the GDS Ethics Team continues our book discussion we have been learning about the paradigms to consider in navigating through the decision process around such issues.

We met recently and shared conversation around several “right vs. right” dilemmas. We struggled with questions that led us to rely on a common set of core values to guide us in selecting the best choice. The book we are reading, How Good People Make Tough Choices, by Rush Kidder, breaks ethical dilemmas down into four paradigms.

1. Truth vs. Loyalty: Do I report my friend for stealing or remain loyal to her request not to tell?
2. Individual vs. Community: Which needs are greater, one student with a special need or perhaps the nineteen others who are affected by her behaviors? 
3. Short Term vs. Long Term: Is it more valuable to honor the short term need to be honest about who was invited to the party or the long term need to maintain relationship? 
4. Justice vs. Mercy: Should every student who had a sip of beer be treated equally or should we have mercy on the student who self reported the incident and her involvement?

A simple sounding issue can be quite layered and complex. It takes time to consider all the possible ways to understand an issue and validate the realities from each perspective. Once there is clarity in which paradigm in most prominent, the next step is to be aware of style of thinking used to reach a conclusion. I find myself generally favoring the Care Based style, which is allowing the premise of “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” to guide decisions. There are times however when using End Based thinking, or considering the greatest good for the most people, is more critical. And finally, Rule Based thinking, having one standard for all, although not my first inclination, can be very helpful and appropriate, particularly when considering an organization’s guidelines and/or policies (such as traffic rule, community laws, school handbook procedures).

Knowing and understanding our thinking style in reaching conclusions is like having insight into our own personal bias. We all come from our own personal perspective with preferences and opinions. Each of us has a unique set of life experiences and equally unique interpretation and perception of those experiences. This bias is what makes each opinion valid and at the same time very one sided and subjective. If we know where we tend to “come from” it can help us to balance our thoughts a bit towards objectivity. Collaborating with others is therefore key in finding the best answer to a right versus right question.

Sounds like a lot of work to make a decision. First there are four paradigms; all right versus right, so none of them are wrong. Second, we must be aware of our own lens and then deliberate in how we choose to look at the issue. But with practice and collaboration such discernment can become somewhat intuitive. It is something that must be developed, like any other skill. It is through feedback and thoughtful processing that we make our best decisions. And that is what being ethical is all about.

Several times each day we likely have an opportunity to work through a right versus right dilemma with our children. Right versus right decisions abound when you start paying attention to all the things you must decide every day. Do I correct my teenage son for making us late for school/my job? Absolutely the right thing to do. Do I say nothing because he already knows it bothers me and will only make him defensive? Not saying something may actually help our relationship.......Absolutely also the right thing to do. I found myself in this very situation the other morning. In terms of Justice versus Mercy, I thought the compassionate move of being forgiving was more critical than the justified verbal consequence he deserved. I also thought about the Long Term versus Short Term.......Allow this to go by and risk him perpetuating the behavior again or have one peaceful morning? Simple, but actually kind of tough. I decided to let it go, said nothing and I waited "patiently" in the car for him. Was it the right decision? Well, when he left my office for class this morning my 13 year old son gave me a hug. So for today, it was worth it!

Right vs. right decisions abound when you start paying attention to all the things you must decide everyday. As a professional, as a parent, as a spouse or as a friend I must carefully navigate the benefits and consequences of my choices. Sometimes I make mistakes. And awareness of where I stand and how that played out is exactly how I grow. This ethical consciousness is the most important thing we can model for our children. Rush Kidder does an eloquent job of capturing this in his book, Good Kids, Tough Choices. Teaching our children to live out our common values through ethical living is a skill that will guide them in everything from genuine empathic relationships to integrity in academics. The GDS ethics team is on a journey of self discovery and inspired leadership as we continue learning more about the complexities of ethical discernment.

Michelle Bostian, LS Counselor

Right vs. Right Decisions

Ethics.  A word that sounds dry and simple at first glance.

As a clinical social worker, I am required to attend continuing education classes in order to maintain my license, and it’s not unusual for the classes to have an ethical component to them. And, to tell you the truth, it can get pretty mundane, particularly when it is approached with a focus on right versus wrong decision making.

But my present journey with ethics is actually fascinating, rich and compelling.

I am one of several faculty members at Greensboro Day School on an Ethics Team formed to explore and establish our common ground of values, elevate our awareness of ethics and encourage moral actions in our community.  We have embarked on a journey of learning how we understand, consider and make ethical decisions on a deeper level.  We are studying right versus right dilemmas and decision making while learning that ethics is not just about doing one’s own work versus cheating; it is about being loyal to a friend versus supporting what is best for your classmates.  It is about making a decision to follow a policy to the letter of the law versus using compassion to fully understand the perspective and needs of the individual and their growth.  For me, it’s about taking away the cell phone of one of my teens when they are dishonest or supporting the value of giving them freedom in order that they may earn my trust again.  Right versus right decisions require discernment much deeper than right versus wrong.  It is easy to know when a child needs a consequence.  It is through thoughtful process that we discover the consequence that is the “right” one.

Last night, the Greensboro Day School Ethics Team on which I sit, met and began discussing Rushworth Kidder’s book, How Good People Make Tough Choices.  We shared our thoughts about why understanding the complexity and value of working through right versus right decisions is something we want to permeate the culture of our school.  Here are some of our responses as to why we believe that this work is important: 

• it builds transparency,
• it develops moral character, develops a necessary skill, promotes self awareness and cultural integrity,
• it creates a continuous improvement to our decision making and a framework to address ethical issues,
• it facilitates intentional reflective decision making,
• it increases morale of our internal community of staff and builds trust in the institution, and
• it provides a shared language and opportunity for collaboration.

We also shared some of our thoughts on the barriers we face in using strong ethical frameworks to make decisions.  After all, doing something right requires time and planning!  We ended our discussion with rich conversation around what we have going for us at GDS and how that will help us in our study and growth about ethical literacy.  We noted both our own love of learning and growing as well as our parent body support for all we do as two critical elements to the success of all programming at school.  We noted our students are open minded and that they respond well to high expectations. 

Our next meeting will include further discussion of the book mentioned above as well as conversation and analysis of ethical dilemmas using the framework in the book.  I will post updates of our work periodically, but please join me in sharing your thoughts anytime. 

Michelle Bostian, Lower School Counselor

An Ordinary Day, Except It Is Extraordinary

Last week, I was at GDS two times in one day, for Margaret's violin lesson and then again for Eleanor's lesson later on that day.  That is the normal Thursday routine for the Manning girls this year, and sometimes it feels like I am on a continual loop up and down Lawndale.

But it is so fun to see Margaret and the other first graders in her lesson (until you watch a child learn to play it, you have no idea how complicated "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" actually is, nor can you realize how beautiful it sounds when they triumphantly play it for you),  and to see their happy faces racing back to class.

And walking M to her class, I peek my head in to wave to her teacher, Parker Stall, who always smiles "Hi," while multi-tasking ten things at once for the students, so effortlessly they don't even realize how much she is doing at one time!  And the kids were doing something really cool and colorful as their math, and I watched for a second, as the math work was so hands-on, creative, so fun to see.

And on trip number two for Eleanor's violin lesson that afternoon, running back to school I see several parents and am happy to chat for a second about the 4th grade play and how much the kids are loving it and how great Sonny Willis is to pull of such a good production with these young kids.

Off to violin again. Eleanor's lesson was good and I reminded myself, it is not a chore to be there when the girls have lessons. I take a breath and look around, and recognize that it is a treat to see the girls during the day, listen to their news, and see their world.

A total treat.

After E's lesson, we left the violin room, and outside I heard music, not the strings students but contemporary songs, and saw kids outside eating. I asked E what was going on, was it a special day? She said, "No, it was a regular day, it is something that happens routinely." Just a regular day, enjoying the sunshine and music while having lunch on the grass with your friends, that is a regular, ordinary occurrence at GDS. I think, "WOW."

Eleanor was very excited to show me her locker decor, as decorating your first locker is big time important, I totally remember. Mirror, music posters, drawings from friends. She relishes the chance to have a locker and be responsible for it. I admire it, and she headed off to music, and I thought, "Music after violin? How great is that?"

Lucky kid. That is just a part of her day, every Thursday.

Still kind of dazzled by the outdoor music/lunch/lovely day enjoyment those kids were experiencing outside, and smiling about E's joy in locker ownership, I poked my head in her class to wave to E's teacher. And Peter Buxenbaum sat and chatted with me for forever about my older daughter Virginia, of his former students, and about Eleanor, talking with me as I told him stories about her. He did not look at a clock or shoo me out, although I know he had things to do and was super busy, he was happy and interested to listen and talk.

I know most teachers in the world are not like that, not interested in talking to a parent who shows up in the middle of the day and interrupts. And so I am super happy as I am leaving, seeing some other great teachers and parents, and getting a lovely hello and smile from Linda Shearer on my way out.  And outside is Stephanie Shoaf and a reading group, sitting on the lawn and on benches and some lounging on a tree, reading.

Reading, listening, enjoying the gorgeous day. It is just fantastic to see.
I am gobsmacked, really.

In a day and age where all of these things do not exist in schools anymore, my little snapshot of a regular, ordinary day at GDS is amazing.

I know that while I am watching these kids reading, my older daughter Virginia is in the Middle School, on cloud nine because today is one of the days she gets to work with her animal activist club.  A club that is part of her regular schedule, it is not a special occasion, not a one-time field trip. The Middle School has these great clubs for kids to further explore something that is meaningful and important to them. Virginia is so excited about helping with the animal shelter, it is tremendous that at 6th grade, she's getting to volunteer her time and energy towards something that is important to her, and this is all organized by the school and somehow they make it happen, during the regular course of the day.

On a normal, ordinary Thursday, that is just what happens.
I get kind of tears-are-prickling-in-my-eyes looking around, because this is just an ordinary day.

It is not bring out the big guns for Grandparents or Open House. It is a regular day, a Thursday, this is what you guys do.

That's GDS. Anytime you stop in, something fantastic is happening, countless different fantastic things at the same time, all over the campus. And I am so very happy that my daughters, my family is a part of this great school, and so grateful for the billion wonderful things that each of my girls has absorbed so far in their school experience.

I know this regular, ordinary day at GDS is polar opposite of what a lot of kids are experiencing at school on a regular, ordinary day.

I know it takes unbelievable amounts of time, energy, brain power, heart, and wizardry to make this ordinary day happen.

So I wanted to thank you all, for turning an ordinary day into an extraordinary one. That you make this happen every day is amazing, and a credit to everyone at GDS.

Allison Manning
Mom of Virginia, Eleanor, and Margaret